20 pounds…and counting!

So, blogging hasn’t been on my agenda recently.  Well, not for my personal blog anyway.  And while I have a lot of catching up to do, I figured I’d start of with something simple.  An accomplishment.

Recently, my bff got married.  And I had so much anxiety about her wedding day.  I tried everything I could to lose weight.  Diets, starving, constant exercise, medicine from the doctor.  You name it.  And I kept gaining and gaining and gaining.  And I got more and more stressed.  I didn’t understand how this was happening.  How could I eat so healthy, exercise daily and GAIN WEIGHT?

While at her wedding, I met a lovely friend of hers.  And she had recently lost 30 or so pounds.  I was in awe.  I wanted to try the diet she was on.  When I found out it was a cleanse, I remember reading about a cleanse on a Lupus forum that was recommend to help get lupies like me out of a flare up.  So, I chatted with her about the process and her weight loss journey.  And then she said something that really made sense.  Maybe I’m holding onto my weight because of other trauma.  She was totally right.  I was.  I never really allowed myself to mourn all the loss I experienced last year.  So, I let it go.   It’s not forgotten, but I forgave myself for wanting to move on — and the weight has been flying off.  I visited my Nanny for the first time since she passed.  I mean, I talk to her every day…but I never visited her crypt.  I just couldn’t.  Visiting her meant this was all real.  My best friend was gone and she wasn’t ever coming back.  Seeing her and putting my hand near her and letting Ellie give her a kiss — it was so needed.  I needed to do that.  I needed to show Nanny I was OK.  And I needed to tell myself that it’s OK that I’m OK.

I started this weight loss journey on May 22nd.  And I’ve lost 20 pounds so far.  All the clothes I bought are loose, which is a blessing and a curse.  Thankfully, most of the items I bought will work even when I’ve lost another 20 pounds.  Everything except the jeans.  But, what can you do.

Ryan’s lost 10 pounds so far, as well.

We’re just calorie counting right now.  Eating healthy, tasty food and making sure to eat less calories than what our bodies burn each day.  Super simple, straight forward and delicious.  I had my wisdom teeth pulled out, so it helped with the craving portion of that first week.  It was perfect timing.  Best part?  I feel better.  My lupus flare up has ended!

I have 78 more pounds to lose.  That sounds like a lot.  And it is.  But, I finally feel mentally ready to tackle it. I know it is possible.  And I know it will take some time.  But…it’s worth it.




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